What Recovery Looked Like After Discharge

Recovery is a slow process. After spending more than three weeks in Penrith Psychiatric Hospital in January 2023, I was transferred to the Hills Clinic, a private psychiatric hospital. It was there that I began to experience a different approach to care and started the long journey of rebuilding my life.

Recovery was difficult because I was still experiencing many of the after-effects of mania. Although the delusions had largely subsided and I no longer believed I was living out the Seven Days of Creation, my mind and body were far from settled. Everything felt fast, overwhelming, and exhausting.

I struggled to do even simple things. I could not sit down and watch television for long periods. Each evening, about half an hour before taking my Seroquel, I would experience intense waves of panic and anxiety that seemed impossible to control. Breathing exercises provided little relief. The only thing that helped was waiting for the medication to take effect. Once it did, I would finally feel at peace. This pattern continued daily for about a week.

I also noticed that the manic energy had not completely disappeared. In the evenings, I would often become intensely excited and talk endlessly about whatever topic happened to capture my attention. Some people found it entertaining, and I formed several good friendships during my stay. However, I soon realised that these bursts of energy came at a cost. Afterwards, I felt exhausted and emotionally drained. Over time, I learned to recognise these impulses and manage them more effectively.

Two things became central to my recovery: therapy and writing.

The Hills Clinic introduced me to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). These approaches gave me practical tools for understanding my thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.

At the same time, I spent much of my free time writing. By the time I was discharged after just over three weeks, I had written most of The Dialectics of Mania and a large portion of my memoir, A Turtle's Journey.

What began as an attempt to process my traumatic experiences gradually became something much larger. Writing allowed me not only to explore the events that had shaped my life, but also to recognise how much I had achieved and experienced over nearly four decades. It became both a creative outlet and a form of therapy.

After leaving the Hills Clinic, I tried to return to the workforce. I applied for numerous jobs and initially secured a handful of interviews. Over time, however, those opportunities became less frequent. The reality of rebuilding my life proved harder than I had anticipated.

Instead, I continued writing. I completed drafts of The Dialectics of Mania and A Turtle's Journey and began exploring ways to publish them. This became an important part of my recovery. Writing gave me purpose at a time when I felt lost and uncertain about my future.

I also enrolled in a ten-week Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) group run through the Hills Clinic. Initially, I struggled to engage. I was depressed, at times suicidal, and trying to come to terms with the episode I had experienced. I was also grieving the loss of meaningful employment and the identity that came with it. Gradually, however, the program helped me reconnect with my values. As I explored what truly mattered to me, I realised that many aspects of my life were no longer aligned with those values. Recovery was not simply about getting better; it was about reinventing myself.

Another important step in my recovery came later that year when I travelled to Canada to visit my brother, his wife, and their children. The trip provided a much-needed change of scenery and perspective. During that time, I began writing The Wellness Revolution and mapping out many of the ideas that would shape my future work. In many ways, that period marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I embraced a new identity as a writer and spent the following eighteen months developing books, websites, and projects that had been sitting in my mind for years. Since then, I have completed many of those goals, including multiple published books and the foundations of the Creation Series.

Looking back, recovery was not a single event. It was a gradual process of healing, reflection, learning, and reinvention. Leaving the hospital was not the end of my recovery journey. It was the beginning.